Cabin FEVER

Hello?  Can anyone hear me?!  I'm stuck in this house held captive by a crazy lady!  She's keeping me here telling me the world is closed down and the climate has turned hostile to all forms of little boy life.  The situation is getting bad.  REALLY bad.  We're all losing our minds.  If you can hear me... send help!  RE-OPEN school.  I'm begging you.  We're ALL begging you.